superpanda's Blog

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.

This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”

~John 3:16-21

                                                                          
 
Through woven words of much discerning, requires much more than simple learning. For wisdom hides in treasured dens, where springs gush forth and light defends. And more precious than the best of gems, and woven into flowers stems.
 
“For all creation tells a story, and to the Father shouts his Glory.”
 
The grass blows from left and right, and wind whips wild without a sight. Judge ye this if ye think right. Is the Father out of sight?
 
“For all creation tells a story, and to the Father shouts his Glory.”
 
The sheep do graze in pasture sides, with pure white wool like conscience hides. The men do shear and take their wool, which craftsmen knit, and twist and pull. And clothes of woven fabric made, to cover nakedness be laid.
 
“For all creation tells a story, and to the Father shouts his Glory.”
 
In the forest knotted trees of Cyprus, that man takes timber which to delight us. Inside wooden cabinets lie earthly treasures man has made and without measure.
 
“For all creation tells a story, and to the Father shouts his Glory.”
 
Within the oceans hidden depths, many creatures from secrets kept. The whale spouts waters to the skies, like a kiss the rainbow spies. The wispy clouds will weather willing, rain drips drops soon to be filling. The raging river banks are spilling, that drench farmland prepared for tilling. Creations a mirror reflecting God’s face, the earth is all of his grace.
 
“For all creation tells a story, and to the Father shouts his Glory.”
 
Outstretched above dark canopy laid, white sparkling stars over darkness were sprayed. The moons hangs in orbit and showers the Earth, bathed in blue light and crescent in girth, with movement precision, the laws that confine, the seasons, the cycles, hard to fathom and find. Can one man discover the wisdom displayed, or for one second doubt the knowledge portrayed?
“For all creation tells a story, and to the Father shouts his Glory.”

I believe everyone is here for a reason. I have a story about Christ Jesus, more a life story so far. I was raised in a church going family and believed in God since I was little. It was because it made sense to me that there was a creator behind creation, especially with how intricate life was. However, I never chose to follow Jesus or made it a goal to actually get to know God very much. In fact I remember when I was very young in church thinking, "I might worry about God when I am getting close to death." Boy did that show how ignorant and foolish I was.

Well, I lived a pretty good life as a kid. I went to school and did very well in it getting high honors and raced BMX until about age 13. Around that age, before I got really bad, I went on a Christian trip to an event called "Gold Rush" where at the end they had a call to the cross. They invited people to accept Jesus and write their name on a piece of paper and nail it to the cross. In my heart I wanted to go so badly. I felt the call and wanted to go but for some reason I didn't. Maybe I was too hardened or scared.

Around then is when I stopped racing BMX and my life took a turn for the worse. I became reclusive and addicted to online gaming and ****. My taste in music turned to songs that were very evil and satanic. I started cursing at my parents and becoming a terrible person in general. I became obsessed with online gaming and would stay up all night, and eventually I needed glasses because of this. I eventually got involved in a rock band and start smoking marijuana occasionally. The marijuana gave me very bad experiences and paranoia, as well as other weird sensations.

I eventually started getting into Buddhism and meditation, in a way I was very gradually coming back to at least a sense of spirituality. The Buddhism and meditation wrecked my mind though because I started thinking I could levitate things like in the stories you hear. I would meditate 7 hours or more and in general became overly emotional, and I believe I allowed negative forces to prey upon me in that state. I had no clue what I was getting into after all. I started listening to "A Perfect Circle's" album called "E-motive" and this made me realize how hardened I had become and how much love I lacked for people and I really started caring for people.

I eventually was starting to come around but had not yet fully accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior. Also, when I smoked the marijuana I always had bad trips and sensations and the delusions I started having came shortly after.

One day my father took me on a trip to a college since I was around 17 or 18 to scout them out. I started thinking the clouds were signs from God and that they symbolized a major spiritual war going on. There certainly was a war for my heart at least. When we were at the college I was filled with paranoid and psychotic ideas. For example I thought that a woman was there who said to "Try all the sweets" was a messenger of Satan sent to tempt me into gluttony.

I then started to see and hear things and deteriorate mentally. I saw demons and began vomiting because I thought that was how they came out. I stopped eating, drinking, sleeping, and ran away from home to churches to be "exorcised" because I thought I was demon possessed. Looking back now I can see that it may have been likely since there were very evil forces at work on me. Also, smoking and meditation warped my mind along with the sinful life I had led.

Eventually I was in North Carolina visiting my uncle with my sister and mother. She received a call that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Later on we eventually went to a church where the minister had a call to the altar if we needed prayer. My grandma and I and my family all went to the altar and I broke down crying because I thought my mother was going to die. I felt like it was my fault she got cancer because of all the stress I caused her the way I lived. I still believe that I did cause it to be honest, because stress can make disease we are prone to come out.

I started my journey back to God but yet my mind and body were ill from a life of sin which had formed a illness called "schizo-affective disorder" which included hallucinations, delusions, hearing things, and many other very bad things. It came to the point where I was laying in the bath tub one night in my own vomit, urine, and feces (sorry for the graphics but it's what happened) where I thought I was doomed to hell and I was out of my mind. I screamed "JESUS SAVE ME!". Shortly afterward my father came down to see what was happening and he cleaned me up and had me eat and drink since I wasn't for days. I was 50 pounds and 128  pounds at 5' 11 and very underweight for my height from all the not eating or drinking for weeks on and off. I thought I had to fast to cleanse myself from demons.

Well, not too long after the tub incident I was brought into a mental health crisis unit where they interrogated me and injected me with medicine against my will. It was the scariest experience of my entire life and I wouldn't wish it on the most evil person to ever live. I woke up 2 days later in the mental hospital where I felt terrible. I was starving and went to the kitchen to get food. Ironically, one of the first people I met there was a Wiccan. I told her Jesus loved her and we talked and then she gave me a hug.

Not too long after that I was laying in the hospital bed at night when something very different happened than the hellish experience that had occurred earlier. I was laying in bed crying and said a prayer to the effect of "Father in heaven I am so sorry for the horrible life I lived that caused me to end up like this. I am so sorry for the way I have lived and I never want to be like that again. I never want to sin again. I am so sorry." Then I just wept and wept. Not long after that Jesus appeared in a white robe at the end of my bed and he touched my foot. He touched my foot and I felt the sin leave my body like a poison was sucked out. A tiny bright flame appeared in the center of my mind and that was the night I became born again.

There are many other interesting things that happened after that even around may 18, 2005 but It would take hundreds of pages in a book to fill my life before and after Christ. Since I became born again life has not been easy. My physical mind and body have gone through the ringer with over 20+ or more medicines for my illness and stomach illnesses caused by the meds. I have had immense sorrow and pain at times from the suffering. I was hospitalized 10 more times after than one in 2005 but something was different. I was aware I had the Lord with me.

My life has not been roses since I accepted Christ as my savior. In fact it has been the very opposite, but I am so glad I know him. I can say with 1000% honesty he never has failed me. I am still alive and he has done so many miraculous things in my life that I could probably fill books and books with them. Life may be hard but God is good and I can honesty say I am glad to have went through the hard times because they build character and hope and perseverance.

That is my story in a nut shell. I know my Father looks after me and he will never fail me. He longs for all to know him deeply as a Father and that is why he sent his Son Jesus to bear our sin and shame on the cross and to arise to give us a hope that life never ends. Love triumphs over death ultimately. ~May the Father bless you in the Son, through the Holy Spirit. Amen

So it all started about 14 days ago. I admitted myself to a psyche ward because of suicidal thoughts. Now here I am on klonopin 05. mg and Trilafon 6 mg at night 4 mg at morning and I feel horrible. My mind feels obliterated and I feel restless most of the time. I want to feel better and enjoy life but how can I feeling like this? Has God abandoned me? I would really like to go home and be with God rather than feel like this. I feel blunted and my affect feels weird. I don't feel like talking much and I feel cold even though it's warm outside. What is the matter with me????? God help me... I just want to go home ;_;

Dr. Paul is a legendary player in the annual Congressional baseball Game, being the *only person to ever hit a home run over the fence in the game's 50 year history.*

Says it all! :)

Jesus Christ is my Lord and savior!

I have some verses to share.

"Why do the nations conspire and the peoples plot in vain? The kings of the earth take their stand and the rulers gather together against the Lord and against his Anointed One. “Let us break their chains,” they say, “and throw off their fetters.” The One enthroned in heaven laughs; the Lord scoffs at them. Then he rebukes them in his anger and terrifies them in his wrath, saying, “I have installed my King on Zion, my holy hill.” I will proclaim the decree of the Lord: He said to me, “You are my Son; today I have become your Father. Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession. You will rule them with an iron scepter , you will dash them to pieces like pottery.” Therefore, you kings, be wise; be warned, you rulers of the earth. Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, lest he be angry and you be destroyed in your way, for his wrath can flare up in a moment. Blessed are all who take refuge in him." Psalm 2

What people don't realize that satan came to kill steal and destroy. Jesus came to set the captives free!!!

Jesus said

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

He also said.

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
John 14:27

Jesus saves. He is the Son of God in the flesh and he died on a cross and rose again conquering death! I praise the Lord for that!
 

This is the truth I've noticed since I accepted Jesus Christ. People don't want to hear even the name of Jesus. They rather live their lives thinking they are their own master and that they can free themselves from failure by moral living. The fact is that "all have fallen short of the glory of God." Every person has sinned and done wrong.

Todays culture is so blind to the fact that we cannot "earn salvation" that it is a gift. The bible makes it clear that the Father's gift in his Son Jesus was free and that no man can earn it. It states that point very clearly here that it is by faith.

"Can we boast, then, that we have done anything to be accepted by God? No, because our acquittal is not based on obeying the law. It is based on faith. For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law. " Romans 3:27-28

Mankind has no other savior than Jesus Christ! People don't want to hear that! It's a fact! People hate the messenger's that tell them the facts. Why? Because people don't like to hear the truth. They rather hear lies and sit comfortably.

This is the truth about Jesus.

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12

People don't accept it. Remember what God said.

"You can enter God's Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way." Matthew 7:13

The facts are simple yet the culture and the world have been deceived by Satan. He makes his evil followers to be his pawns in persecuting and attacking the faithful followers of Jesus Christ. But that is of no matter because they cannot touch our soul.

Praise be to Jesus Christ! He died for all mankind's sin on the cross and rose again. The only person to do this on earth. But as the prophet's wrote.

"Who has believed our message

and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

2He grew up before him like a tender shoot,

and like a root out of dry ground.

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,

nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

3He was despised and rejected by men,

a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.

Like one from whom men hide their faces

he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4Surely he took up our infirmities

and carried our sorrows,

yet we considered him stricken by God,

smitten by him, and afflicted.

5But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his wounds we are healed.

6We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to his own way;

and the Lord has laid on him

the iniquity of us all.

7He was oppressed and afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,

and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,

so he did not open his mouth.

8By oppressionaand judgment he was taken away.

And who can speak of his descendants?

For he was cut off from the land of the living;for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

9He was assigned a grave with the wicked,

and with the rich in his death,

though he had done no violence,

nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,

and though the Lord makesc his life a guilt offering,

he will see his offspring and prolong his days,

and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.

After the suffering of his soul,

he will see the light [of life] and be satisfied;

by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,

and he will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,

and he will divide the spoils with the strong,

because he poured out his life unto death,

and was numbered with the transgressors.

For he bore the sin of many,

and made intercession for the transgressors." Isaiah 53

Ok, I am resolved to pursue this and I thought I would drag umm I mean "bring" those along with me who wanted to! haha let's face it many of us are not good at sticking to something but this is worth it. I'm preaching to myself more than others here! *Note to self*

I was reading the bible and came across Isaiah 58 which is about fasting. The interesting thing though is that the fasting the Lord requires does not involve starving yourself of food! Here is what it says.

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

7Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousnessa will go before you,

and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.

9Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.

11The Lord will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

12Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will raise up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."

Isaiah 58:6-12

Where to begin? Without the ancient wisdom of yoda mankind would be in a dark spiral of nothingness. The one who said "Do, or do not! There is no try." Such profound wisdom is unparalleled by and other Jedi Master.

It is also true that, "When 900 years old you reach, look as good you not." And who could ever forget his phrase," Judge me by my size do you?" This occurred when Luke doubted he could lift the X-Wing fighter from the marsh because it was "too big."

After Luke's attempt failed, Yoda the ever wise Master of the Force, calmly elevated the craft and floated it to safety. Luke's eyes wide in amazement he exclaimed,' I don't believe it" to which Yoda replied, "That is why you fail."

We can all learn a lot from Yoda about belief and disbelief whatever your spiritual beliefs are. We can choose to believe that anything is possible when you have the will and belief for change. You could also take the path of Luke and fail to see the possibility and thereby limit yourself to a confined view of the way things are.

Yes, we can all learn very much from the wise Jedi Master Yoda. Indeed, great he is.